Dear Lord, let there be a man out there strong enough to handle me and care for me. And let him not only exist, but let us find each other. And if we are found but to dense to know it or afraid to admit it - knock some sense into us? Amen!
Reminds me of when I stayed at my sister-in-law's house. Since it is so quiet where I live in Winchester, she forewarned me of car noise at night, thinking it would keep me up. I slept like a log that night - the noise was the same I had outside my bedroom window growing up.
As I've been reflecting on this, and drafting this post, I found it quite ironic that Facebook provided this memory.
No, the city never left me. I left it. Not to say it's all been bad, and I haven't learned a lot being in a less than urban environment. It's just not me.
Also ironic as I've been trying slowly to convince the kids that we should rehome our chickens and turn the coop into a massive playhouse! What?!
Let me make it clear. Yes, I plan to leave the farmhouse.
I have a list of cities and states that are acceptable to me temperature wise, and have started some cross referencing to cost of living and crime rates. A little more work to do there, and I'll start factoring in likelihood of natural disasters (side effect of my job and desire to not be near any of it!). Then, the fun will begin as I plan trips to get a feeling for all the locations to narrow the list even more. I survived a move from Maryland to Virginia when I never thought I'd leave Maryland. I got this now.
Want me to do something I don't want to so you can be happy - no, that won't make me happy. Remember, I control my happy. You will not make me sad. You will not make me happy. It's my choice on how I respond to your actions. Sure, the things someone might do for me might "make me" happy - but it's because I chose to find joy in those things. [Note: next time I get sad about someone or something, can someone remind me about this happy choice? I'm still working on the sad thing. I'm much better about being happy. Thanks!]
I have a bucket list. I have a start on a country life exit plan. I continue to control my happy. I am continuing to take care of myself, living the life I want, and learning every single day. I continue to raise my kids to be healthy in mind and body, kind and caring, and knowing how important it is to do what makes them happy, and not what anyone else, me included, tells them should make them happy.
With every end, there is a new beginning. As with every death; an end - there is life; a beginning. It's been a long time coming. As I died a wife, I was reborn a widow. Both will always be part of me. But I'm proud of my new beginning and am excited to see how far I continue to grow as Kim/Kimmy/Mom.
[If you are super observant...you'll also notice a change here on the blog. kudos to you if you did notice. It's another new beginning, that I'll be tweaking a bit in the future.]